Jen Aly, Money Coach for Creatives

A brand of Happily Ever Now, Inc.

Do you have money-related limiting beliefs? Here’s one client’s story.

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(This powerful blog about a common limiting belief is by my amazing client and guest blogger, Amber Byers of Tadpole Press. Enjoy!- Jen)

From Amber Byers: I recently hired my first business coach because I’m ready to move my business forward in huge ways. As soon as I made the decision to hire this specific coach, I had an epiphany.

As clear as day, one of my biggest limiting beliefs with regard to money popped into my head: If I do this and become successful—take my business to an exciting new level and earn more money than I ever have—then I will be abandoning my family and myself.

Because one of our family values is that poor people are honorable and rich people are greedy. And being poor has been so much of my identity during years of financial struggle.

But I knew that I was ready to move forward, so I began working on letting go of my old limiting beliefs and welcoming the following beliefs into my life:

I let go of the limiting beliefs that no longer serve me.

I create new values for myself and my family.

I can be rich and honorable and generous.

I am powerful.

Immediately after I realized this, I had another limiting belief pop into my head: If I’m not able to make these big changes while my mom is alive, I’d be betraying her by changing later because she won’t be able to see the new me I’m becoming.

In case you’re not familiar with the concept of limiting beliefs, let me explain that their purpose is to keep you in place and prevent you from changing. Why do they want to keep you where you are? Because you’re alive. Not because you’re thriving or living your dreams. Just because you’re alive. And so far that’s worked out great as far as your limiting beliefs are concerned.

But if you know you can do better in your life, then that means you need to take some risks, try things you’ve never tried before.

Your old self will cling to whatever has kept you safe and alive in the past, which means it will fight against this change.

Some people will tell you to take these risks because they’re not going to kill you. But I disagree.

They will kill you—or at least the old version of yourself that you’re moving away from. And that’s okay. You have to let your old self die in order to make room for the new self that is trying to be born. That’s how we all evolve.

When I visited my mom recently, I shared these thoughts with her and was surprised to hear that she didn’t share these limiting beliefs as much as I did or as much as I’d expected her to. Instead, she was more curious about the big, new, fun ways that I was going to grow and change.

I told her that I didn’t know all the details yet, but that I want to fully step into the biggest, brightest version of myself possible—basically how some people say to “shine your light” and not be afraid to go big.

And when I told her that it made me sad if I couldn’t do that while she was alive, she said, “Oh, I’ll know.”

I responded, “Really?”

“Oh yeah. I still talk to my parents and they know all about me. They’re just amazed at how old their baby is now.”

And with those words, my mom gave me the best gift I could have asked for:

• Permission to let go of anything holding me back.
• Permission to step fully into the brightest version of my new self again and again.
• Permission to continue to grow and change and not stay stagnant because of anyone else.
• And the comfort of believing that she will still be with me even after she’s left this earth.
• Instead of worrying that I’ll be betraying her, I know now that my mom will always know how amazing I am.

Are there ways that you’re holding yourself back?

Do you want to move into your new self, but you’re afraid that you shouldn’t because of some limiting belief?

Well, let me give you a gift today.

You have permission to let go of your old self.

You have permission to step fully into the brightest, shiniest version of yourself that is trying to be born.

In fact, here’s a nice, neat little permission slip that you can fill in, print out, and hang on your wall to remind you that yes. You are in fact allowed to grow and evolve and reach your highest potential. Your new self is counting on you.

Download Your Permission Slip

Mother’s Day is upon us. Have you told the moms in your life how much you appreciate them lately?

Would your mom benefit from a permission slip to let go of other people’s expectations and just give a day solely to herself? Share this post with her or make her your own permission slip. I’m sure she’ll love it.

The author on her first morel mushroom hunting adventure with her mother.

Amber Byers, Tadpole Press

Has the Pandemic Hijacked Your Money Mindset?:How to reclaim prosperity thinking

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Photo by joel protasio on Unsplash

If your money mindset has taken a toll during the past few months of the pandemic, you’re not alone.

Having to restructure your life around a potentially deadly virus that the entire world is contending with was not on any of our to-do lists for 2020….and we are still not through it.

There are so many ways our lives have shifted that I can’t list them all and you’re living it.

Here are a few specific things that impact our thinking around prosperity during the pandemic. Many of them we’ve adapted to, but they are possibly still influencing our stress level, perceptions, and emotional capacity. (Feel free to skip over this part if you just want the tools.)

  1. Your patterns and habits were interrupted by a threat that seems to be constantly evolving and they haven’t “gone back to normal.” As a result, your primal brain and nervous system are still on some level of hyper-alertness. The “threat” is still present and the details are uncertain. This creates mental, emotional, and physical stress, all while we don’t have the usual coping mechanisms (socializing, gyms, vacations, etc.) to deal with the stress.
  2. At the same time all of this is happening, you are experiencing other kinds of potential threats. Depending on your race, gender, sexual orientation, geography, etc., you may have felt that your rights, safety, health, livelihood are under threat from all kinds of angles based on what has come to the surface and the political climate. The political polarity being expressed bleeds into decisions about masks, vaccines, etc.
  3. Isolation is a big deal for us social creatures. Parts of our brain believe we need to be in a “tribe” to survive. And we simply miss a lot including group gatherings, seeing others without masks on, freedom to travel, etc. Our worlds are smaller, especially the number of people we see without masks on.
  4. If you have children, this has doubtlessly been stressful. Having your children at home during the day in virtual school or sending them to school with a mask on and the limited social interactions are big changes for everyone. And the long term impact is uncertain. This article breaks down the impact on children in the SF Bay Area.
  5. Your work has likely shifted. If you have your own business, you may be struggling or you had to make some kind of pivot. Even if you have one of the businesses that is thriving, growth is also stressful. If you have a job, it has likely changed in significant ways. And if you’re unemployed, that’s a huge stressor in an uncertain market. Our sense of purpose, financial security(and money mindset), social life, and daily routines are all impacted by our work.
  6. COVID may have impacted your health and/or the health of loved ones or community members. You may have experienced loss due to COVID and without the usual options for visitation and rituals.
  7. You have been making countless decisions with unknown factors and changing information, often that impact others, and sometimes at what seems like high stakes. Whether it be as simple as what time of day to go the store, if you should visit your parents, or whether or not to get the vaccine, everything feels like pressure.
  8. Economic shifts have included entire industries shutting down. Certain businesses are growing exponentially. Digital currency is evolving(whether you’re in or out). The lack of consistent support from government (in the U.S. at least) and going through complex bureaucracy for to access what’s available, also add to our stress levels.

Scarcity is not just about money or even money mindset. It is a result of feeling disconnected.

A healthy money mindset, or prosperity mindset comes from feeling connected and safe, not just the amount of money in your bank account.

Prosperity thinking is not about excess, it’s about enough. Scarcity thinking comes from a perception of lack.

“When you make a difference with what you have, it expands. What you appreciate appreciates. You can’t get to prosperity through the portal of more…only enough.”  ~ Lynne Twist, Soul of Money

The entire system of economics depends on “scarcity” at its core.

An economics textbook defines scarcity this way: “Economics is a science concerned with choosing among alternatives involving scarce resources.” In The Making of Economic Society, economist Robert Heilbroner emphasizes this point: “If there were no scarcity…economics… would cease to exist as a social preoccupation.”

The fact that economics doesn’t exist without scarcity is a big deal. It’s an aspect of the basis of our economic system. It’s our job to reprogram our thinking and to evolve our relationship with money & prosperity.

We are in a culture that programs us to believe that constant growth, excess, super-sizing, and having more are the best things ever. As a result, our culture is unsustainable, exploitative, and has a more and more extremely imbalanced income ratio.

The wisest part of me knows this entire experience is a reset. It’s  an opportunity to heal, transform, connect, and innovate. So, onward we go.

In order to access more creativity, resilience, and to transform into the next version of yourself, it’s important that you take exquisite care of yourself and your mindset. Getting out of scarcity and cultivating a healthy money mindset or a prosperity mindset is key in reducing stress. Here are some powerful tools to do just that.

5 ways to reclaim a prosperity mindset:

1- First thing’s first.  Take care of your nervous system. You can only grow or expand to the extent that your nervous system has capacity. It has been taxed for a long time and the layers of stress are underneath and on top of everything else. Check out this article about why you feel like crap months into the pandemic. And do any of the simple, free, and priceless exercises from this YouTube playlist I created for Stress Reduction including short and simple vagus nerve exercises.

You can only grow or expand to the extent that your nervous system has capacity.

2- Nurture an “enough” mindset. Get clear on what you have and what you need. Our “needs” are not just what we think of as basic, they could be emotional in nature.

Do you have enough right now? If yes, receive that and let it be enough. Express gratitude when you feel it.

If you need something, ask any of these questions that get you into possibility: If I had this, where would I look for it? Where would I find it? Who could help? Who would know where to find help? Is there another way to get what I need that I haven’t thought of yet?

(And if you are the kind of person who just said to yourself, “I don’t need anything” ask yourself again and listen to your inner child. See what she needs and find a way to give it to her.)

3- Notice when you see/hear scarcity thinking from others (including the media) and decide it doesn’t have to be your program. If you feel scarcity, consider affirmations such as “Whatever I need comes to me” and “I am more receptive every day.” (Both of these are from Tosha Silver’s book, “It’s Not Your Money.” Find more book resources here.)

4- Reduce “productivity shame.”

“Productivity Shame: the act of regularly setting unrealistic expectations for what you can accomplish, and then beating yourself when you fall short.”— Jocelyn K. Glei

This looks like less pressure and more self compassion. Have compassion for all that you are experiencing. And put less pressure on yourself. This may mean giving yourself more time to finish a project. It may mean asking for, receiving, and giving yourself more support. (Before you hire a coach read this.) Soften your relationship with “productivity” and do what you can for today.

If you want to take it one step further, write a list of your accomplishments (even small ones) at the end of the day. A lot of my clients find this simple tool especially powerful.

5- Connect with friends, acquaintances, and loved ones more often than usual. Reach out to others and connect.

This could be initiating private chats with people you know in a group Zoom meeting…just as you would say hello to them if you were in person. You could set up a weekly accountability/support call with a colleague.

Or it could simply be doing a video chat with family members when you would usually just talk. Just take it one step further than you have in the past. It pays off for you and others.

Nurture your nervous system, your money mindset, and your connections and you will have more capacity to create from what you have instead of feeling like you don’t have enough.

This is a powerful foundation which allows you to feel less stressed about having “enough” and focus more on doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and those around you. It allows you to be open to possibility and that it takes to thrive, rather than just survive.

Got money issues or is it really something else?

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Money issues run deep. They are so multifaceted and multilayered.
The thing is, money issues are not always about money.
self-esteem money coach business coach prosperity
Money issues and financial stress are rampant, and part of that is because money is still the most taboo subject in our culture.
Have you ever noticed that people will talk about sex much quicker than money?
Those of us who have had a challenging relationship with money are not alone.  Basic financial literacy is rarely taught in schools.

Here are some financial stats on how rampant money issues are:

  • According to studies by the American Psychological Association, money issues have topped the charts as the most common stressor among Americans. 72% of Americans say they have felt money-related stress.*
  • Did you know that with the average interest rate for credit cards of 17%, it only takes around 4 years for the amount to double?
  • 44% of Americans do not have enough cash for a $400 emergency.**
  • 33% of American adults have zero retirement savings.**
  • The average American lacks the basic financial knowledge he or she needs to change behaviors and make qualified financial decisions.***
  • Around 50% of businesses make it to the 5-year mark and only 33% are in business for 10 years.****

When you’re making money as an entrepreneur, it’s a different kind of game than if you have a job. There’s no limit to what you can make, and yet it’s all up to you.
Even if you’re making a decent living and you’ve had business training, money mindset may be the missing link for you to go to the next level in your business.
It’s normal to grow for a while and then hit a plateau or ceiling. Things stop flowing as much.
Emotional and mental blocks start showing up and even patterns that you didn’t know you had.
If you want to get to the next level, you must own your worth at a whole new level.
wealth money prosperity hard work
You have to grow your relationship and confidence with money.
It’s not about what you do. It’s about the energy you do it with. Where are you coming from?
If you come from fear or scarcity, then you get more of that.
If you come from prosperity and confidence, then you create more of that.

Money issues are about self-worth.

The truth is, you have to do the work if you really want to get somewhere.
The importance of self-worth has inspired me to create a new version of my money boot camp program. I’ve included some practices, new worksheets, and content that support you to own and live your value. And I’ve added priceless resources.

Are you ready to feel confident in your capacity to own your value and make more money?

If so, check out this powerful program to see if it is right for you: “Money Mastery Intensive Program.”

You’ll get double the content from previous versions of my money program, but the price is the same!
If you are ready to transform your relationship with money, check it out.
If you want to get started on transforming your money issues now, get the Money Makeover Tool Kit or if you already have it, check out this list of amazing books to inspire you toward more prosperity.
Sources:

Top Recommended Money Books: Where to start

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money books

Money books! My clients often ask me what money books I recommend.

There are so many, it’s hard to choose. It depends on what you want.

Above is a photo of my current collection of money books and below are five I recommend.

Bari Tessler’s “Art of Money” is a good place to start with three sections : money healing, practices, & maps. It’s holistic and practical and Bari’s approach is well founded because she’s been helping people for a long time. Her work was my first introduction (in 2004?) to being conscious with money.

For mindset, I like “Money’s Not the Problem, You Are” by Douglas and Heer. This one has some mind-blowing mindset shifts that obliterate old ways of thinking about money and tweak your relationship with it.

Some of my favorite prosperity stories and quotes are in @lynnetwist ‘s “Soul of Money.” This book is soulful and inspiring and you will likely change your perspective on what prosperity is.

Right now I’m reading Tosha Silver’s book, “It’s Not Your Money” and “The Complete Works of Florence Scovel Shinn.” Both are rich and spiritually focused. Silver’s book is officially a 8 week process you could guide yourself through. Shinn’s work is unique to read because she wrote these four books from 1925-1945. They are classic and timeless.

Yes, I said I’m reading two money books…and usually other books in different genres at the same time. I can never read just one book. My nightstand is the messiest part of my environment!

Here’s one small dose of mindset shift around prosperity if you’re ready for it now.

To hear about my lowest financial moment, biggest money lessons, how I changed my relationship with business and money, check out my TEDx talk. 

There are a few more money books on my list to get soon, but since I haven’t read them yet, I can’t recommend them.

Enjoy reading!

Podcast interview on self-worth, prosperity, and creativity

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Episode 38_ Jen Aly.png

Self worth is the foundation of creating freedom and prosperity in life. But how do we access it and heal what’s covering it up? Remembering and reclaiming our worth is a process an a practice.

This is the most vulnerable interview I’ve ever done. The next morning I felt my biggest “vulnerability hangover” yet.

Sarah Poet interviewed me for her Sacred Remembering podcast. I talk about topics I usually don’t discuss publicly and share deep insights I’m experiencing during my Corona cocoon.
From Sarah’s website:

In this potent and timely interview with money & creativity coach Jen Aly, we traverse the micro and macro of self worth, women, covid-19, rest, listening to the body, creativity, and more. This interview is FULL of wisdom for our turn out of patriarchy and into a balance of feminine & masculine wisdom. I haven’t heard another conversation that puts these topics together in this way. Tune in!

THEMES:

Self worth, money, Covid, hustle, addiction to productivity, stretch your receiving muscle, sacred pause, women & wealth, masculine feminine balance, creation energy, receptivity, allowing, self love, affirmations, patriarchal trauma, inter-generational trauma, looking to men for self worth, masculine projection, good girl, money coach, self worth doesn’t come from accumulation

Supportive links from interview: My TED talk, Sarah’s TEDx talk, Patriarchy Stress Disorder book